When Sex is Better Solo!

If you find that you can reach orgasm during masturbation, but not during sex with your partner, then you're like most women, who find it far easier — and faster — to reach orgasm when they stimulate themselves. It's one part practice (you've most likely been doing it awhile) and one part lack of pressure (there's no one to please or impress but yourself). When you're alone, you get exactly what you want without any of the performance anxiety.

The good news is that you know you are capable of orgasm. The bad news is that something is standing in the way of your complete satisfaction during sex with your partner, and you now have to determine what that is.

Sometimes, it's simply about technique. When you masturbate, you are automatically doing what works for you and may not stop to think about it. So, the next time you masturbate, be your own student. Focus on what you touch first, then second, then third. What kind of pressure do you use? What's your technique? Do you fantasize? Then carry the lessons you've learned into sex with your partner. Don't be afraid to tell him exactly how to please you — I can almost guarantee he'll be an apt pupil!

If teaching him the proper technique is not the magic cure, the problem may be your sense of trust or your inhibitions during sex with someone else. Is your mind on other things when you're with him? Are you worried about how you look, sound, or feel to him? To reach the peak with your partner, you'll need to learn to let go of yourself and be completely in the moment. Focus on how his touch feels and the sensations of your bodies together, and let the rest of the world melt away. More importantly, don't stress about reaching orgasm — if you focus on enjoying the journey, chances are you'll get there anyway.

www.drlauraberman.com