About Sexual Addiction

With David Duchovny's recent admission to rehab, I thought I'd address the problem of Sexual Addiction. All information is taken from the Sex Addicts Anonymous home page. (http://www.sexaa.org/index.htm)

Sex is fun - I won't say that it's not. When it starts to rule your life, though...that's something else entirely. If you think you might need help, I encourage you to seek out the advice of a professional.

What is Sexual Addiction?

Sex Addiction can involve a wide variety of practices. Sometimes an addict has trouble with just one unwanted behavior, sometimes with many. A large number of sex addicts say their unhealthy use of sex has been a progressive process. It may have started with an addiction to masturbation, pornography (either printed or electronic), or a relationship, but over the years progressed to increasingly dangerous behaviors.

The essence of all addiction is the addicts' experience of powerlessness over a compulsive behavior, resulting in their lives becoming unmanageable. The addict is out of control and experiences tremendous shame, pain and self-loathing. The addict may wish to stop --- yet repeatedly fails to do so. The unmanageability of addicts' lives can be seen in the consequences they suffer: losing relationships, difficulties with work, arrests, financial troubles, a loss of interest in things not sexual, low self-esteem and despair.

Sexual preoccupation takes up tremendous amounts of energy. As this increases for the sex addict, a pattern of behavior (or rituals) follows, which usually leads to acting out (for some it is flirting, searching the net for pornography, or driving to the park.) When the acting out happens, there is a denial of feelings usually followed by despair and shame or a feeling of hopelessness and confusion.

Are you a sex addict?

A Useful Tool for Self-Assessment
Answer these twelve questions to assess whether you may have a problem with sexual addiction.

1. Do you keep secrets about your sexual or romantic activities from those important to you? Do you lead a double life?
2. Have your needs driven you to have sex in places or situations or with people you would not normally choose?
3. Do you find yourself looking for sexually arousing articles or scenes in newspapers, magazines, or other media?
4. Do you find that romantic or sexual fantasies interfere with your relationships or are preventing you from facing problems?
5. Do you frequently want to get away from a sex partner after having sex? Do you frequently feel remorse, shame, or guilt after a sexual encounter?
6. Do you feel shame about your body or your sexuality, such that you avoid touching your body or engaging in sexual relationships? Do you fear that you have no sexual feelings, that you are asexual?
7. Does each new relationship continue to have the same destructive patterns which prompted you to leave the last relationship?
8. Is it taking more variety and frequency of sexual and romantic activities than previously to bring the same levels of excitement and relief?
9. Have you ever been arrested or are you in danger of being arrested because of your practices of voyeurism, exhibitionism, prostitution, sex with minors, indecent phone calls, etc.?
10. Does your pursuit of sex or romantic relationships interfere with your spiritual beliefs or development?
11. Do your sexual activities include the risk, threat, or reality of disease, pregnancy, coercion, or violence?
12. Has your sexual or romantic behavior ever left you feeling hopeless, alienated from others, or suicidal?

If you answered yes to more than one of these questions, we would encourage you to seek out additional literature as a resource or to attend a Sex Addicts Anonymous meeting to further assess your needs.


The SAA Program

Sex Addicts Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength and hope with each other so they may overcome their sexual addiction and help others recover from sexual addiction and dependency.

Membership is open to all who share a desire to stop addictive sexual behavior. There is no other requirement.

Our common goals are to become sexually healthy and to help other sex addicts achieve freedom from compulsive sexual behavior.

SAA is supported through voluntary contributions from members.

We are not affiliated with any other twelve-step programs, nor are we a part of any other organization. We do not support, endorse, or oppose outside causes or issues.

Sex Addicts Anonymous is a spiritual program based on the principles and traditions of Alcoholics Anonymous. We are grateful to A.A. for this gift which makes our recovery possible.

How to locate a SAA meeting

Use this link to find a meeting near you: http://www.sexaa.org/meetings.htm

David Duchovny enters rehab for sex addiction

LOS ANGELES (AP) — David Duchovny, who plays a sex-obsessed character on Showtime's "Californication," has entered a rehabilitation facility for sex addiction.

The 48-year-old actor said he did so voluntarily, in a statement released Thursday by his lawyer, Stanton Stein. He added: "I ask for respect and privacy for my wife and children as we deal with this situation as a family."

Duchovny's publicist, Flo Grace, confirmed the report, which first appeared on the Web site People.com. She and Stein both declined further comment.

"All of us at Showtime wish David and his family the best during this very private time," the network said in a statement.

The second season of "Californication" begins Sept. 28.

Duchovny starred as the conspiracy-minded Fox Mulder on "The X-Files" TV series and in two films. "The X-Files: I Want to Believe" opened in theaters earlier this summer.

He and his wife, actress Tea Leoni, have two children. The couple married in 1997.

Mourning...LeRoi Moore

Okay - so this isn't my usual blog subject... I just couldn't let this event go by without commenting.

LeRoi Moore, Dave Matthews Band Saxophonist, Dead At 46

By Jem Aswad



LeRoi Moore, sax player in the Dave Matthews Band, died Tuesday afternoon (August 19). He was 46.

Moore suffered serious injuries in an ATV accident on June 30 outside the band's home base of Charlottesville, Virginia, including a punctured lung and broken ribs. Moore returned to the hospital last month due to complications.

TMZ reported that the band is scheduled to perform on Tuesday night as planned at the Staples Center in Los Angeles. Béla Fleck and the Flecktones saxophonist Jeff Coffin has been filling in for Moore since his accident, according to the band's Web site.

The band posted the following statement on its Web site Tuesday night: "We are deeply saddened that LeRoi Moore, saxophonist and founding member of Dave Matthews Band, died unexpectedly Tuesday afternoon, August 19, 2008, at Hollywood Presbyterian Medical Center in Los Angeles from sudden complications stemming from his June ATV accident on his farm near Charlottesville, Virginia. LeRoi had recently returned to his Los Angeles home to begin an intensive physical rehabilitation program."

Moore was a jazz musician in Charlottesville when he joined forces with Matthews early in 1991. The band released its first album, Remember Two Things, on its own Bama Rags label late in 1993. That album was recorded live, and DMB have gone on to become one of the most successful live acts in North America.

"Celebrate we will because life is short, but sweet for certain" Godspeed LeRoi...

Success...simplified.

Here are The Seven Keys to Success by Judy Zerafa:

1. Develop and Maintain a Positive Attitude
2. Believe in Yourself
3. Make Wise Choices
4. Develop Positive Habits
5. Set and Achieve Goals
6. Use Creative Imagination
7. Be Persistent

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When Sex is Better Solo!

If you find that you can reach orgasm during masturbation, but not during sex with your partner, then you're like most women, who find it far easier — and faster — to reach orgasm when they stimulate themselves. It's one part practice (you've most likely been doing it awhile) and one part lack of pressure (there's no one to please or impress but yourself). When you're alone, you get exactly what you want without any of the performance anxiety.

The good news is that you know you are capable of orgasm. The bad news is that something is standing in the way of your complete satisfaction during sex with your partner, and you now have to determine what that is.

Sometimes, it's simply about technique. When you masturbate, you are automatically doing what works for you and may not stop to think about it. So, the next time you masturbate, be your own student. Focus on what you touch first, then second, then third. What kind of pressure do you use? What's your technique? Do you fantasize? Then carry the lessons you've learned into sex with your partner. Don't be afraid to tell him exactly how to please you — I can almost guarantee he'll be an apt pupil!

If teaching him the proper technique is not the magic cure, the problem may be your sense of trust or your inhibitions during sex with someone else. Is your mind on other things when you're with him? Are you worried about how you look, sound, or feel to him? To reach the peak with your partner, you'll need to learn to let go of yourself and be completely in the moment. Focus on how his touch feels and the sensations of your bodies together, and let the rest of the world melt away. More importantly, don't stress about reaching orgasm — if you focus on enjoying the journey, chances are you'll get there anyway.

www.drlauraberman.com

Things we learned from Mom and Dad...

We've all heard that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree — and that adage is certainly true when it comes to love. The blueprint for our romantic tendencies is actually laid out in our early years. Our relationship with our parents — and their relationship with each other — provides the foundation upon which we build our ideas about love.

It can be a great learning exercise to write down what your relationships have been like, past and present. For instance, what role do you seem to play in each of your romances? Are you the rescuer or the dependent one? Are you and your ex-partners very similar? Next, think about what your parents' relationship was like, as well as your relationship with each of them. Write down specific behaviors and memories in each case, and try to notice the recurring themes.

One of the perks of being single is the chance to really confront these patterns. You have the luxury of stepping back, without the distraction of a partner, to extract and examine the emotional patterns in your relationships. Use your downtime between relationships wisely, and keep discovering who you are as a person and a partner in life and love.

www.drlauraberman.com

Top 10 Reasons to Host a Romance Party...

You know you need to host a Brown Bag Party when....

10. Your partner thinks farting in the bathtub is a romantic bubble bath.

9. You have not been swimming in years because you don't want to shave the"black forest" because you can't bear that dreaded itch.

8. You have rolled in the wet spot so many times you have considered using it for body lotion.

7. You are still using Vaseline as a lube - or better yet spit.

6. The last sexy nightie you had, your partner is using it to wax the car.

5. The last time you had toe-curling sex,Monica Lewinsky was a household name.

4. You've boiled an egg during sex.

3. You think a silver bullet is used to kill werewolves in the movies.

2.Your partner thinks pinching your nipples twice(hard) and rubbing the little man in the boat for 5 seconds (like a jackhammer) is foreplay

1.You will have the best consultants ever to teach you about GREAT products so you can have the best sex with or without a partner!!!!

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Laura

(765) 977-9380

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Laura Poe (765) 977-9380

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Laura@LaurasToyz.com

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Laura (765) 977-9380

Helping the Animals....